Looking back, I lived a suffered lifestyle for years but the thing was I thought because I was helping myself by researching and going on crash diets eliminating foods to fade my face. Chinese doctors, laser, dermabrasion and visiting dermatologists that had no idea why my face glowed so red? Oh and doctors that said I should go on long term antibiotics like for months and take an anti-depressant.
ALL of which just added to my frustration and anger that made my face redder let alone play havoc with my emotions.
But that was my life for years. But I wasn’t admitting too in all those years was how I felt in the inside. My suffering wasn’t just my red face it was so much deeper than that. I couldn’t sleep, my mind drove me crazy. I was constipated for days. I would lose my shit more than I felt calm. I was a blamer that it was things people that had made me feel this way. I became a workaholic to shut out all the noise.
When I write this and read it back it’s NO WONDER I had a face as red a traffic light it was clearly my warning sign that I ignored for so long because I thought it was something that had nothing to do with me. Yet it had all to do with me. Every RED bit of my face was a reflection of what was, had gone on with me from childhood to that day I GOT IT.
Sitting here now, writing this I can see and feel how hard it must have been for me to choose to heal as everything from that day forward would be life new experiences I have never had let alone FELT.
Suffering is not a lifestyle it is an existence a shit place to try and live from yet healing is so avoided by so many.
Self-healing is so underrated as suffering can steal all our courage and have us living in fear but I know the difference and even though suffering can reach us so so much it is so important not to stay there.